he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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