i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Congratulations! We have a period
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
