the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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