I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
