I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
