how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
