i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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