i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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