Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Boobs are out for the taking
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
