apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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