and my herpes radar will keep us safe
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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