what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
