I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
