I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
