there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
When are your genitals available?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
