I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
