it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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