Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
How does one acquire holy water?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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