i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
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