whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
