I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
