its not stalking. its research.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I did not marry a roomba.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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