Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
