I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
