new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
