You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
