I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
