Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
