Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
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