absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
