gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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