Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Two words: nipple clamps
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