Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
