Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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