I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
