I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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