I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
