just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
