NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
