Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
