I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
two words: eviction party
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
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