She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
