he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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