I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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