Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
