I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
