i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
