I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She bit a glass in half.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
