homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
