So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
